Dating a sikh man
The trials and tribulations of dating while Sikh
Now, I admit I am not particularly strict, especially as I eat meat and drink alcohol but I do follow a lot of the traditions upheld with Sikhism. There is lots more to say but I am short on time. You see this all the time. He is a Tharkhan and I am a Jatt, and traditionally, my caste is seen as a higher.
Whilst engaged to a guy from a Pugh family I was constantly looked down, reminded of that I didn't come from one, to a point that I was asked to get the men in my family to keep kesh. And while caste issues still exist in dating culture, thankfully, they are slowly dying out. The infamous Tinder is a good example. That is a big hurdle to get over if you are trying to establish some sort of relationship.
Consequently, she will likely form a less-than-favorable view of Singhs. Unless we are ready to take the next step of marriage, we usually have to be discreet about our relationships, due to the pressures that will come from our elders. However, i also understand that experiences with bullying and other forms of discrimination impact an individual's self-confidence, so i wish there was a way to address that in the community. This is a very interesting article, thank you for writing it. Only now that I am happily married do I understand why my parents were so keen on me marrying a Sikh.
She doesn't keep her own hair, so she doesn't feel restricted to looking for a guy who keeps his. When Sikh women from such a background see a sardar, they don't see him as one of their own. However, one key point to note is that caste discrimination and Sikhism are not hand in hand and are actually two separate entities which just makes the whole thing even more frustrating. Me and a friend often have discussions about caste.
When dating I never differentiated, as it was more important to me that I find a partner who is honest and genuine. Not all the girls are the same- we shouldn't go around painting them with the same brush. Not just the pressure of dating, but the pressure to date someone who is the same religion and caste as you. One thing that comes with the religion is dating. If we can accept you regardless of what image you have, we should also equally be accepted regardless of which family we come from.
Sikhs have divided into castes from birth, which relate to which jobs we did in India back in the day. The percentage of Sikh women who actually prefer a sardar is negligible. And i love that because i am proud of being Sikh.
It doesn't make sense at all. This was just so that they can show off in the society that they got a girl from a similar background and to more so to keep them happy. They then think that their social circle reflects the larger reality, and they lose sight of what the majority of the Sikh community is really like. Everytime I got introduced to a guy with a turban, he always felt the need to confirm if I was aware he's not clean shaven- to me that's already him feeling inferior even though I had no issues.
Yes, there are exceptions. And the questions the girls usually ask make it seem like they are interviewing an alien from another planet.
On the other hand, I have struggled with this in the past, due to me having been brought up in a diverse, multi-racial country where Indian people are a minority. And if I could throw out a genuine compliment, I think turbans and khuli dharis look wonderful. Eventually the wedding got called off due to the differences. As a Sikh woman, it makes me sad to hear or read that Sikh men are looked at differently than someone without a turban and beard. Thank you for writing this article, and once again, major kudos to you and other Sikh men who done their turbans and embrace their dharis with love and pride.
As a girl my identity as a Sikh is not revealed when i walk down the street, but it is when i walk with my Sikh guy with turban. In the world of a British Indian we are closed books when it comes to dating.
My parents have modernised a bit and would want to me to date before I committed any further but saying that, the pressure is still there to move faster rather then slower. For both men and women, there is nothing more attractive than confidence in an individual. So I believe women who have not come across Sikh men do feel intimidated by the mere appearance of Sikhs. But it just goes to highlight how differently they view you.
Such a girl is going to attract attention from sardars and clean-shaven guys alike. It's amusing how it will be brought up during a conversation out of the blue.
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